Since I always like to give my opinion, especially on cryptic matters, I took to the task. The theme is obviously homosexual love and desire, but the text seemed really very obscure, full of contradictions and inner anguish.
Now I do not know, if the author would agree with my explanations, but at least I found one coherent way to explain all of the apparent contradictions.
Over and above this, the process that I described is significant for understanding many other psychic phenomena as well. Especially it serves to understand the process of "divine revelation" and could serve as a basis for understanding, that even such a "divine revelation" is not beyond corruptibility. The process of divine revelation is the first part of an initiation, much like the one described in this song. But in the case of a revelation the recipient does not merge fully with the source, but remains separated by the workings of his own conceptual mind. If the person receiving the initiation has subtle fragments within his own consciousness, they will show up like entities and taint the results. Since the initiation is not carried through to the final merging, the integration of the prideful ego, the result cannot not be pure, because the mind of the recipient is not pure. The result will contain elements of a prideful ego-concept, that operates a lot with hierarchies, masters and kings. But a "revelation" will not attribute these to the human megalomania, but project it onto the source of the revelation. This is the error.
Here the text:
My lover's got humour
She's the giggle at a funeral
Knows everybody's disapproval
I should've worshipped her sooner
If the Heavens ever did speak
She is the last true mouthpiece
Every Sunday's getting more bleak
A fresh poison each week
'We were born sick,' you heard them say it
My church offers no absolutes
She tells me 'worship in the bedroom'
The only heaven I'll be sent to
Is when I'm alone with you
I was born sick, but I love it
Command me to be well
Amen. Amen. Amen
Take me to church
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
Take me to church
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
If I'm a pagan of the good times
My lover's the sunlight
To keep the Goddess on my side
She demands a sacrifice
To drain the whole sea
Get something shiny
Something meaty for the main course
That's a fine looking high horse
What you got in the stable?
We've a lot of starving faithful
That looks tasty
That looks plenty
This is hungry work
Take me to church
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
Take me to church
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
No masters or kings when the ritual begins
There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin
In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene
Only then I am human
Only then I am clean
Amen. Amen. Amen
Take me to church
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
Take me to church
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
The "Lover" is an internal voice of wisdom, a spirit guide, a real non-physical entity, keeping him sane in the face of the confrontation with public opinion.
S/he most likely sounds really like a female voice, who explains to him the reactions of the people around him. He probably went through a period of time, when he struggled with the message of this "Lover" himself, not daring to believe the unexpected approval of his homosexual desires, feeling suspicious. But then he must have become convinced and surrendered to "worshiping", letting go of his self-disapproval and experiencing great relief, like being cradled in truly divine love, understanding, wisdom and his tortured mind would ave found some peace. This is the most convincing experience, which removes the doubt of the intellectual, conditioned mind.
As a contrast, the communication with his "real-world" church, where he goes on Sundays leaves him feeling bleak and poisoned with condemnation and judgement.
He is talking to Her, like to a real person about other gay friends, who have succumbed to the indoctrination and believe in their "sickness", much to their own detriment.
He starts to think of "his" church now as an alternative, internal church with his Lover, the voice of wisdom at the center. Since it is real wisdom, humorous and intelligent, it will not offer any black and white solutions, will not tell him: "you are all fine", or "you are all lost". There are no absolutes, no easy answers, which is of course a little disappointing to the intellect.
She encourages him to explore his desires, rather than to deny, control, judge or condemn them. In other words, he needs to get out of agonising about things and experience directly the nature of his desires, where they lead him.
But then, he affirms: "I was born sick, but I love it" This is a most relevant line. I think he is talking about his bad experiences with real live lovers and compares this with the sublime state of heavenly, tantric love, he feels, when he is in contact with his spirit guide. Homosexual love burns hotter and is therefore more addictive and it is easier to slide into some kind of mental-emotional netherworld, especially if he has multiple partners, where the sexual aspect is in the foreground and the person to person love-connection takes the back seat. - Especially if he is a spiritually sensitive person, he may have in one way or another experienced demonic mind-streams during sex. - On top of this comes the intellectual reasoning, that homosexual love is not pro-creative and therefore does not serve its intended purpose, casting again doubt on it. Those two things together make him think: Perhaps it is really a sickness.
However, his body desires sexual experience with another male body, not only on the tantric level with his spirit guide, who most probably comes through as androgynous with a female voice but a male kind of thinking.
Since he experiences the high degree of wisdom and skill of his spirit guide, he hopes, that s/he can simply command him to "be well". This means that he must experience the real live sex with men as somehow "un-well". This is understandable in the light of what I wrote above.
The gentle inner voice would have been a lot more forgiving and positive towards his homosexuality than he would have permitted himself to be. So he now has resolved himself to believing, that his Spirit Guide is an elaborately lying entity and he is afraid of doing something like evil worship, but the attraction is such that he cannot stop himself. So he is trying to throw the responsibility for the whole drama onto her. He is begging her to provide a similar service for him as the earthly church does, where he can simply follow a clear guideline, where he can serve in loyalty like a dog, because he is used to churches and authorities, who demand this kind of stuff, as a pay-off for calming the conscience.
Interestingly enough, his devotion will save him, because his true nature has not deceived him, his courage, his honesty and his devotion will pay off. We hear that even though she is encouraging him to live his truth in the bedroom, on the other hand also a lot stricter, than he can imagine to be with himself, he talks of his confessions to her of some "sins", that in her eyes would warrant "sharp knives". This refers, as I see it, to the emotional and perhaps also physical netherworld he gets into in his sexual encounters. The voice of wisdom would not let him get away with addictive behaviour, so he says: "sharpen your knives". The deathless death would be the tantric transcendence of sexual energy, the ability to abide in the moment of highest arousal without acting it out. The inner voice would have counseled him to use this path in order to get out of the addictive trap of same-gender sex, while accepting the purity of same-gender love.
Then he finds the secret doorway, that will eventually resolve the situation. "Good God", he calls. This is an expression used in exasperation, in confusion, in helplessness. - and he is offering his life. To the degree he is serious about this, he will succeed and in the end get out of the shadow part of his sex-life, he is obviously struggling with. Giving up one's life is a serious meditation practise, where one invites transcendence by dying to the shadow-self. This is best done in an inner attitude, where one is so acutely aware of the suffering created by the shadow-self that one prefers to literally die, rather than keep running around with it. - Then the process can and will take off, the fire of transmutation of poison is ignited.
Conceptually he gets into a greater distance to the traditional church, he has obviously still trusted his spirit guide enough and explores other concepts for what is happening with him, using the word "pagan" and yet his lover is still formless like sunlight.
Then he refers for the first time to the "Goddess". In this process of tantric union he would have shared enough energy with his spirit guide for her to take on visible form. But immediately he gets onto "dangerous ground" within his own conceptual mind, it will appear like dangerous concept to him, given all his doubts, that she wants to "drain the whole sea". Since she is indeed a pure spirit, she would demand complete communion, a surrender without holding back anything. This will immediately bring up all his fears and fragmentation within his own consciousness. Therefore he cannot surrender and empty out completely.
The "shiny" part is the subtle matter of the astral body, the meaty bit for the main course would be the "Xing", the Kundalini energy, that is denser than the astral body and the sharing of this would allow a tantric union with the experience of ecstasy, the spiritual orgasm of the valley, the deathless death, that can only occur, when the climactic orgasm of desire and addiction has been sacrificed.
Then the "high horse": I believe, is a reference to a fragmented part of himself showing up. She would have pointed this out. To the degree he would have been subconsciously holding back from complete union, separate entities would have manifested from the fragments, his fragments. The first would have been the judgmental and prideful part of himself. To see this so directly, bypassing the conceptual mind, would have liberated him, this part of his shadow self would have been "integrated", transmuted without, effort.
But as soon as the first entity would have appeared, he would have gotten into his fears and pretty much instantly a lot of hungry ghosts would have manifested.
This was probably quite a scary part, like a choir of demonic voices, wanting to feed of the energy that is floating around, due to the fact, that his consciousness was not one-pointed and not completely absorbed in the union.
Finally he begins to reap the fruit of this initiation: "no masters or kings", the negation of hierarchy, the full self-empowerment that comes with self-responsibility. He would have let go of his submissiveness in favor of surrender. A dis-empowered person can only be submissive, projecting the lost inner authority onto the other person. Surrender and true union is only possible, when the person is in full command of himself and takes full responsibility also. To get there, one has to master one's addictive tendencies, the inevitable result of the ego-mind.
In the end he describes the final inner peace he has reached by going through the sacrifice, the confrontation with his demons. He obviously reconciled himself with his physical existence. In his relationship with his divine lover e became aware that he was somehow aspiring to non-physical sex, tantric sex with his inner spirit guide, subconsciously valuing the "clean" and "higher" aspects as better than the "unclean" and lower, the physical parts of life. He has now stepped down from his high horse and embraced his body on a profound level. This is a wonderful account of a transformational journey, becoming whole and holy at the same time.
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